What am I in this world for? This is probably the one question
that universally bothers people, cutting across the carefully built barriers of
gender, age, race, ethnicity and a whole lot of other things that make us
different and often ‘better’ than the others. However when it comes to being a
woman and a man, the question just assumes interesting dimensions. In society
like ours, and by ours I mean a religiously inclined, culturally sensitive and
traditionally alive society, the answer to this question is given to a person
the moment s/he is born. So, you have an answer sheet thrust into your hands,
all solved and sorted, to help you get through your life. How considerate! Some
problems are common to both genders like growing up in a system that takes away
your power to question and criticise things happening around you in the name of
right standards set by people who are dead for centuries now. I am not
including religion in this as I believe that religion has been manipulated to
suit the moods and needs of people for very long now. Back to where we began,
we are told what we are in the world for; men are here to earn, get respect,
and lead families (and nations into war, of course) and women are here to,
well, do that ordinary stuff that men can’t do. Don’t yet rubbish this off as
an ‘oh-that-is-so-not-true’ statement. Remember Animal Farm? ‘All animals are
equal but some animals are more equal than others’.
Read on.
So I am a girl and I have been told
by numerous people that include family members, neighbours, teachers, cousins, and
cousins of cousins, that what I am in the world for, especially since I am a
girl. And so have other girls; what to do, what not to do, how to laugh, where
to laugh, whether to go ha-ha or to just smile (because a loud ‘hahahahaha’ is
not even an option, you uncivilised, uncultured, attention seeking girl!), what
to study, and what job to do because obviously you can’t just aim for the stars
being a girl. Where boys are pushed to challenging their capabilities, girls
are restricted in the comfortable cocoons of notions of what they should
ideally do. Such things are not unheard of, in societies that still frown upon
individuality but such things emerge quite often societies that pride
themselves in being scientifically forward. Yes, the western societies that pat
themselves on the back for leading change, scientific thinking and involving
women in the process, often end up exposing the superficial love for equality. Never mind the fact that these societies were
so averse to women displaying any sign of intellectual health till some years
back that female writers adored today, such as Bronte sisters had to use
pseudonyms to have their work accepted and read! Never also mind the fact that
women had to fight hard to get the right to vote and for equal wages! Yes,
never mind all of that.
As I was grappling with all the
‘to-be’ roles society had set for me, another enlightened man came up with a
perfect description of women and the ‘hazards’ of working with women. Sir Tim
Hunt, a Nobel laureate, a scientist just got a little too candid in a women
scientist conference at that and went on to say that there are three things
that happen when you work with female scientists: you fall in love with them,
they fall in love with you, they cry when you criticise them.*slow clap* People,
is there any description more apt, more true and almost prophetic? The kind of
outrage it sparked for being an insensitive and sexist comment was hilariously
brilliant, where female scientists posed in labs, wearing lab suits as to how
distracting they could get. The comment however is a pointer at something wrong
deeply with not just any society but the human race. Take for example the usual
‘habit’ (some call it a weapon of ‘mass acceptance’ of the woman’s demands of
course) of women pointed out so calculatedly by men time and again, crying. Let’s
face it we have been unfair and cruel to men by instilling the ‘men don’t cry’
slogan in their system. Men have been deprived of an authentic expression of emotions
and frustration in the form of tears that actually act as the first line of defence in face of stress. There’s a reason we cry, it is supposed to release
the pent up stress and frustration to allow a person to feel light and think
clearly. Honestly, ask yourself, just how light and calm have you felt after a
good cry? Heavenly. Yes. But then given the skewed notions of equality of
genders, aspiring to be like men for women has been appreciated as empowerment
and if men aspire to be gentle and caring like women they will be labelled,
well, ‘feminine’, ‘sissies’, ‘wimps’ and what not.
It is amazing how a simple physiological
human process such as crying has been used as a weapon in this mad politics of
gender. Men deprived of a right and women stereotyped as owners of that right. And
it is extremely ironical that religions and spirituality see crying as a way of
connecting with God, of humility and submission. Say for example, in Islam,
crying is encouraged among men and women as a sign of humility and affection. There
are numerous incidents narrated about the Prophet (Peace Be upon him) in tears out of grief
and while in prayer, of Imam Ali (a.s) the renowned warrior known for his
bravery and courage crying unbearably at the death of his wife, Fatima (s.a).
Never has crying been degraded in religion as being against manliness but then
when have interpreted religion for what it is? Rarely, I say.
Of course there are loads of sexist
stereotype that haunt women, even when they have come equal to men in proving
their intellect and capacities; women are astronauts, free falling in space and
here we are still stuck with jokes like ‘why did you walk even on the pavement,
didn’t you see it was a woman driving?’. You can hold a wonderful, intellectually stimulating conversation with a woman, and yet you think she will make you fall in love, as if you are a child and she a hypnotist. love at any cost is a two way street, all you gentlemen; you fall when you want to. There’s a lot to be done for the
society to understand that when they judge women they are judging one of the most
beautiful creations on planet Earth. I don’t merely say this because I am a
woman but because I have seen women, most closely my mother slog it out
everyday 20 hours out of 24, working outside home, coming back and taking care
of us kids, dad included (dads act like kids, seriously). I have seen
homemakers turning houses into beautiful homes getting nothing in return but
taunts for being an economically dormant member of the family. Women have never
ever received the respect they deserve because the society with its changing
structure keeps shuttling women into expected gender roles; at one time it’s a homely,
loving image and at another economically contributing, fierce image. Among all
these transitions, women keep on adapting, not complaining, spreading love, and
smiling. That is just about how brave they are. So the next time any of you
wants to make a sexist comment, instead look for the woman near you, your
mother, sister, friend, wife, and tell her what a warrior she is. The smile you
get will give you the courage to go on for miles; either that or the strength
to cry!
