A
few years before in a leadership workshop, we were given a task of talking to
young children, of allowing them a vent to their precious feelings. Back then I
was still pursuing my post graduate degree in Social Work. I had read about individual
case studies and had even put it into practice with drug addicts in a rehabilitation centre, but this was different. These were kids, some 8 to 12 years of age and
I was supposed to make them aware about child abuse. How would I ever define
abuse to them, without sounding like a pervert or well, silly, especially in a
society where such things are a taboo and can’t be talked about. I skirted
around the topic by just asking them about the games they play, their hobbies,
favourite cartoons and all that stuff that keeps children interested, even if
it meant talking about glorified western superheroes who wear their underwear
over their pants. Gradually, I felt they were comfortable enough with me, so I
just started talking about touches, good and bad ones. The reality about to
unfold in front of me would make me uncomfortable to the core.
’What
if a molvi sahab does that?’ This question by an 8 year old girl had me open my
mouth to say something, that didn't proceed beyond my throat. I thought it best
to take her aside and talk to her about it. After what seemed like eternity to
me, she opened up and told me how a molvi sahab, employed by her parents to
teach her the Holy Qur'an, would touch her at inappropriate places, making her
uncomfortable. She went on to say that he would try to kiss her often, an
action she hated. I could feel myself tremble, thinking of the terrible
position the girl was in, vulnerable and exposed to abuse of the worst kind. I
wanted to know from her as to why she never told her parents about it; the
answer just pushed me further into the dirty world we are a part of. She was
afraid her parents wouldn't believe her, as the molvi was respected and she was
just ‘another naughty kid’. I convinced her to immediately take her parents
into confidence about the matter and also had a local person assigned the job
of following it up discreetly.
The
incident made me uncomfortable, having been through such an experience in my
life as well. It reminded me of how impure I had felt, how guilty, even at 8
years of age, when a random beggar had touched me inappropriately in the garb
of blessing me. The idea of how vulnerable children are still makes me cringe;
the thought of dirty hands with nauseating intentions touching their bodies,
caging them in guilt that is not theirs to bear. That is the thing about child
sexual abuse; it is difficult to observe and the victim is an innocent little
child, who is most of the times unaware of what’s happening to him/her. Most of
the times the perpetrator is someone close, a person who the child knows well,
thereby increasing the chances of the crime going unreported. The problem takes
a turn for the worse in case of the sub continent, where in countries like
India, Pakistan, Afghanistan and Kashmir, relations are close and love towards children
is often shown physically. In such cases how do you differentiate between the
good and the bad, the friend and the enemy? Food for thought!
Why
is child sexual abuse common?
Child sexual abuse is so common because, the
victim of the abuse, the children are vulnerable, exposed and unable to stand
up against the abuse. The perpetrator is well aware of the fact that a child in
fact will not either know that s/he is being abused or can be threatened to
remain silent. It is a case of an easy prey for a cunning predator. Why would a
person with such perverse and evil designs choose an adult who can, for
probability sake, fight back easily? Another factor for child abuse being
common is the under reporting of the cases of abuse. In many cases the children
never tell their parents about the problems they are facing, given the fact
that there are chances they won’t be believed, which again stems from the fact
that mostly the abuser is a close relative or friend. Chances are that the fear
of being labelled as an ‘unruly, undisciplined liar’ proves to be a deterrent in
involving parents or elders in the matter. A second cause is also the
reluctance of parents to take action even if the crime is established,
especially in close knit societies. Low level of awareness or the denial mode
of adults in general towards child sexual abuse is nauseatingly prevalent. The
idea that no wrong can happen to children or the excessive trust on people
leads to children being abused in silence.
What
can be done to prevent abuse of children?
1. Accept
that child abuse is real: For starters we could change a lot of things if
we just accept that child sexual abuse is a reality, a very disturbing one, but
very real. The sooner we accept it, the better we can understand the fact that
child sexual abuse can happen, anywhere with any child.
2. Be aware of who comes close to your children: There
needs to be proper monitoring of people who come in contact with children. Categorise people according to your
observations and the child’s comfort with the person. A child is likely to
refuse going to a person, he feels threatened by.
3. Keep a
close eye on the behaviour of the child: A child’s behaviour is most often
the key to what s/he feels. Children facing sexual abuse are likely to show
changed behaviour patterns, ranging from remaining secluded, sad, getting
aggressive and violent, being detached and showing adverseness towards erstwhile
favourite activities. Do not take these changes to be ‘attention gaining
tricks’; these are serious indicators of abuse that your child might be going
through.
4. Trust
your child: It is important that parents learn to trust their children
above others. This will not only in-still confidence in children to share their
issues with parents but also is a way out for them to escape abuse by taking
their parents into confidence.
5. Teach
your children to recognise good and bad touches: The most important aspect
of protecting children from potential abuse is teaching them to distinguish
between good and bad touches by people. They should know that nobody is allowed
to touch certain areas, such as the chest, the hips, or their genitals. Also
children are aware of how a bad touch feels, we just need to help them
recognise it. Recognition alone however cannot protect the children, and as
such we need prepare our children to fight back. The biggest advantage to a
predator is the silence of the victim. Teach children some basic self defence
techniques, such as raising an alarm if they sense danger, try and cause
physical harm to the perpetrator and escape, and identify a person in school or
home who the child trusts and shares his/her concerns with.
Children
are perhaps most vulnerable right now because of the fact that they are an easy
target for predators, whether it is sexual, physical abuse, or trafficking.
They need constant support to avoid such predators that lurk in shadows of
relations and acquaintance, and this is not the sole responsibility of their
parents, but all those individuals who claim to be in their sane, moral minds. Of
course a broader approach towards eliminating or at least highlighting child
sexual abuse would be inclusion of these potential threats in curriculum at
school level. Awareness is one step towards protection. A change however can
start with us, to create awareness in our homes, and in peer groups of children
within our families, would start a ripple effect thereby making those
disgusting species of humans retreat into their dark holes. After all, we have
to shoulder the responsibility to bring change. So look around and report if
you see such a pervert. Stop a child from being tortured physically, mentally
and sexually. Act now!
