Thursday, 18 June 2015

Women, Men and Sexism



Women, men and sexism 



What am I in this world for? This is probably the one question that universally bothers people, cutting across the carefully built barriers of gender, age, race, ethnicity and a whole lot of other things that make us different and often ‘better’ than the others. However when it comes to being a woman and a man, the question just assumes interesting dimensions. In society like ours, and by ours I mean a religiously inclined, culturally sensitive and traditionally alive society, the answer to this question is given to a person the moment s/he is born. So, you have an answer sheet thrust into your hands, all solved and sorted, to help you get through your life. How considerate! Some problems are common to both genders like growing up in a system that takes away your power to question and criticise things happening around you in the name of right standards set by people who are dead for centuries now. I am not including religion in this as I believe that religion has been manipulated to suit the moods and needs of people for very long now. Back to where we began, we are told what we are in the world for; men are here to earn, get respect, and lead families (and nations into war, of course) and women are here to, well, do that ordinary stuff that men can’t do. Don’t yet rubbish this off as an ‘oh-that-is-so-not-true’ statement. Remember Animal Farm? ‘All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others’. 

Read on.

So I am a girl and I have been told by numerous people that include family members, neighbours, teachers, cousins, and cousins of cousins, that what I am in the world for, especially since I am a girl. And so have other girls; what to do, what not to do, how to laugh, where to laugh, whether to go ha-ha or to just smile (because a loud ‘hahahahaha’ is not even an option, you uncivilised, uncultured, attention seeking girl!), what to study, and what job to do because obviously you can’t just aim for the stars being a girl. Where boys are pushed to challenging their capabilities, girls are restricted in the comfortable cocoons of notions of what they should ideally do. Such things are not unheard of, in societies that still frown upon individuality but such things emerge quite often societies that pride themselves in being scientifically forward. Yes, the western societies that pat themselves on the back for leading change, scientific thinking and involving women in the process, often end up exposing the superficial love for equality.  Never mind the fact that these societies were so averse to women displaying any sign of intellectual health till some years back that female writers adored today, such as Bronte sisters had to use pseudonyms to have their work accepted and read! Never also mind the fact that women had to fight hard to get the right to vote and for equal wages! Yes, never mind all of that.

As I was grappling with all the ‘to-be’ roles society had set for me, another enlightened man came up with a perfect description of women and the ‘hazards’ of working with women. Sir Tim Hunt, a Nobel laureate, a scientist just got a little too candid in a women scientist conference at that and went on to say that there are three things that happen when you work with female scientists: you fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, they cry when you criticise them.*slow clap* People, is there any description more apt, more true and almost prophetic? The kind of outrage it sparked for being an insensitive and sexist comment was hilariously brilliant, where female scientists posed in labs, wearing lab suits as to how distracting they could get. The comment however is a pointer at something wrong deeply with not just any society but the human race. Take for example the usual ‘habit’ (some call it a weapon of ‘mass acceptance’ of the woman’s demands of course) of women pointed out so calculatedly by men time and again, crying. Let’s face it we have been unfair and cruel to men by instilling the ‘men don’t cry’ slogan in their system. Men have been deprived of an authentic expression of emotions and frustration in the form of tears that actually act as the first line of defence in face of stress. There’s a reason we cry, it is supposed to release the pent up stress and frustration to allow a person to feel light and think clearly. Honestly, ask yourself, just how light and calm have you felt after a good cry? Heavenly. Yes. But then given the skewed notions of equality of genders, aspiring to be like men for women has been appreciated as empowerment and if men aspire to be gentle and caring like women they will be labelled, well, ‘feminine’, ‘sissies’, ‘wimps’ and what not.

It is amazing how a simple physiological human process such as crying has been used as a weapon in this mad politics of gender. Men deprived of a right and women stereotyped as owners of that right. And it is extremely ironical that religions and spirituality see crying as a way of connecting with God, of humility and submission. Say for example, in Islam, crying is encouraged among men and women as a sign of humility and affection. There are numerous incidents narrated about the Prophet (Peace Be upon him) in tears out of grief and while in prayer, of Imam Ali (a.s) the renowned warrior known for his bravery and courage crying unbearably at the death of his wife, Fatima (s.a). Never has crying been degraded in religion as being against manliness but then when have interpreted religion for what it is? Rarely, I say.


Of course there are loads of sexist stereotype that haunt women, even when they have come equal to men in proving their intellect and capacities; women are astronauts, free falling in space and here we are still stuck with jokes like ‘why did you walk even on the pavement, didn’t you see it was a woman driving?’. You can hold a wonderful, intellectually stimulating conversation with a woman, and yet you think she will make you fall in love, as if you are a child and she a hypnotist. love at any cost is a two way street, all you gentlemen; you fall when you want to. There’s a lot to be done for the society to understand that when they judge women they are judging one of the most beautiful creations on planet Earth. I don’t merely say this because I am a woman but because I have seen women, most closely my mother slog it out everyday 20 hours out of 24, working outside home, coming back and taking care of us kids, dad included (dads act like kids, seriously). I have seen homemakers turning houses into beautiful homes getting nothing in return but taunts for being an economically dormant member of the family. Women have never ever received the respect they deserve because the society with its changing structure keeps shuttling women into expected gender roles; at one time it’s a homely, loving image and at another economically contributing, fierce image. Among all these transitions, women keep on adapting, not complaining, spreading love, and smiling. That is just about how brave they are. So the next time any of you wants to make a sexist comment, instead look for the woman near you, your mother, sister, friend, wife, and tell her what a warrior she is. The smile you get will give you the courage to go on for miles; either that or the strength to cry!   

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